Blackadder’s Lair

The home of many a cunning plan

Man’s Greatest Fear

The fear is that while walking along and enjoying the day, a ball from one of these groups will inadvertently roll your way. Everyone on the team has his eye on that ball, which is now at your feet. You must pick up the ball and return it to the team in a manner fitting to the game.

So, for example, you can’t kick a baseball or basketball back. You have to throw the baseball with accuracy to the guy holding up the glove. The basketball must be returned with one of those two-hand push things and done in a manner that defies gravity. The football must be returned so that it flies like a bullet with no odd twists and turns. The soccer ball must be kicked bang on and straight to the person who awaits its return.

This trick must be performed without any warm up whatsoever. As a man, you must be able to instantly become the greatest player of the game in question. Why must you do this? Because…well, because you are a man! Continue reading

November 10, 2008 Posted by | Humor, Quotidian Matters, Sports | Leave a comment

Shooting for Love

The scene is a familiar one now at the Olympic shooting hall: Matt Emmons and Katerina Emmons, hugging and smooching after yet another medal.

Matt took center stage Friday, winning the silver in the 50-meter prone rifle. That makes three medals in all this year for the husband and wife – Katy won gold and silver in her two rifle events.

“You can’t do much better than a gold and a silver,” Matt Emmons said. “We’re a team. The more medals we get as a team, the better. I don’t care who wins them.”

They met at the 2004 Olympics in Athens, after Matt squandered a big lead at the end of the three-position rifle event. He had fired at the wrong target, an unimaginable mistake, and Katy wanted to offer condolences.

They were married last year and have split time between his country and hers. Matt is an American; Katy is from the Czech Republic.

More.

August 15, 2008 Posted by | Guns, Marriage, Sports | Leave a comment

Chessboxing

Mathematics student Nikolai Sazhin, 19, competing under the name “The President” knocked out a 37-year-old German policeman Frank Stoldt, who served as a peacekeeper in Kosovo until recently.

The loser said he was simply too punch-drunk to fend off checkmate.

“I took a lot of body-blows in the fourth round and that affected my concentration. That’s why I made a big mistake in the fifth round: I did not see him coming for my king,” he said.

Berlin is home to the world’s biggest chess boxing club with some 40 members and it is in an old freight station here that the two men settled the matter early yesterday.

The match began over a chess board set up on a low table in the middle of a boxing ring.

Stripped to the waist, wearing towels around their shoulders and headphones playing the lulling sound of a moving train to drown out the baying crowd, the men played for four minutes.
Then off came their reading glasses and on went the gloves and the mouthguards.

For three minutes they beat each other and then, when the bell went, the chess board was back in the ring and they picked up the gentlemanly game where they had left off. Continue reading

July 11, 2008 Posted by | Sports, Weirdness | Leave a comment