Blackadder’s Lair

The home of many a cunning plan

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into a Giant Hole?

From the Onion (there’s a bad word used towards the beginning, but otherwise it’s safe). It’s a pretty effective parody, I think (I particularly liked the bit about “personal money holes”). But it did get me thinking: suppose that the government were to dump gasoline on a bunch of dollar bills in a giant hole and then just set it on fire. Continue reading

November 15, 2008 Posted by | Economics, Government, Humor, Taxes | Leave a comment

Man’s Greatest Fear

The fear is that while walking along and enjoying the day, a ball from one of these groups will inadvertently roll your way. Everyone on the team has his eye on that ball, which is now at your feet. You must pick up the ball and return it to the team in a manner fitting to the game.

So, for example, you can’t kick a baseball or basketball back. You have to throw the baseball with accuracy to the guy holding up the glove. The basketball must be returned with one of those two-hand push things and done in a manner that defies gravity. The football must be returned so that it flies like a bullet with no odd twists and turns. The soccer ball must be kicked bang on and straight to the person who awaits its return.

This trick must be performed without any warm up whatsoever. As a man, you must be able to instantly become the greatest player of the game in question. Why must you do this? Because…well, because you are a man! Continue reading

November 10, 2008 Posted by | Humor, Quotidian Matters, Sports | Leave a comment

Veggie Rights

Sometimes is seems like every day the line between parody and reality gets a little harder to draw. To wit.:

A few years ago the Swiss added to their national constitution a provision requiring “account to be taken of the dignity of creation when handling animals, plants and other organisms.” No one knew exactly what it meant, so they asked the Swiss Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology to figure it out. The resulting report, “The Dignity of Living Beings with Regard to Plants,” is enough to short circuit the brain.

A “clear majority” of the panel adopted what it called a “biocentric” moral view, meaning that “living organisms should be considered morally for their own sake because they are alive.” Thus, the panel determined that we cannot claim “absolute ownership” over plants and, moreover, that “individual plants have an inherent worth.” This means that “we may not use them just as we please, even if the plant community is not in danger, or if our actions do not endanger the species, or if we are not acting arbitrarily.” Continue reading

May 12, 2008 Posted by | Environmentalism, Humor, Morality, Weirdness | Leave a comment

Life Imitates Art: Al Qaida Upset by 9/11 Conspiracy Theories

Looks like yesterday’s parody is today’s news:

Osama bin Laden’s chief deputy on Tuesday denied a theory that Israel carried out the Sept. 11 attacks and blamed Iran and Shiite Hezbollah for spreading the idea to discredit the Sunni al-Qaida’s strike against the U.S.

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April 22, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment

The World’s First Vegetarian

The world’s first vegetarian, Cain*, was also the world’s first murderer. Coincidence? Not according to the folks at the aptly named VegetariansAreEvil.com:

In Genesis , Chapter Four, Eve bears Cain and Abel. ‘And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.’ That ‘but’ in the middle of the sentence is the first clue to disapproval. This disapproval is confirmed by verses three to five. Abel and Cain bring offerings to God: Abel of his sheep and Cain, the fruits of the ground. God, we are told, had respect for Abel’s carnivorous offering, but He had no respect for Cain’s vegetarian one.

Never forget – it was the vegetarian Cain who murdered the shepherd Abel. Continue reading

April 10, 2008 Posted by | Animal Rights, Humor, Scriptire, Weirdness | Leave a comment

Now That’s What I Call Change You Can Believe In


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April 5, 2008 Posted by | Election, Humor | Leave a comment

In Praise of Flip-Flopping

I used to be against flip-flopping, but now I’ve changed my mind. Allow me to explain.

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January 24, 2008 Posted by | Election, Humor | Leave a comment